Saturday, July 25, 2009

I'm a Criminal

See Dick type. High, my name is Dick Mace. Or at least that is what a few college roommates would call me when I was being a drunken asshole. Contributing to some faggy blog has been a dream of mine since I was just a little kid. I remember it like it was yesterday… striking out in kickball… and realizing that I’m destined to vicariously live my life through create-a-player versions of myself on sports video games. I’d like to thank ellipses for inviting me to create-a-player on this blog. There is no doubt that I will come up short of his standards of being “brilliant, witty, and all-around awesome”.

Overall, I’m a pretty easy going guy. I’m talking Lebowski style easy going….like I really don’t give a fuck about anything. But in bi-polar fashion, I tend to snap and get really worked up about the few things that I’m passionate about. This week, one of the issues that I’m passionate about came to the forefront of the headlines once again. So enough of the introduction, and on to my first faggy blog post.

This past week I stumbled upon the headline, “$1 billion in marijuana seized in California”. The legalization of marijuana, or at the least, the decriminalization of marijuana is an issue very close to me. As a child, I watched first hand the medicinal greatness that marijuana has for cancer patients undergoing chemotherapy. As an adult, I’ve been a “victim” of the federal government’s stance on marijuana as a Schedule I controlled substance. Ok, ok, so I really shouldn’t be playing the victim card. Getting stoned is my preference over getting drunk or enjoying a relaxing cigarette. It’s just shitty that the least addictive and least harmful of the substances happens to be the one that is illegal. Anyway, my first reaction is, “ONE FUCKING BILLION???!!!” It turns out that the drug task force divides the amount of marijuana confiscated into grams. A gram on the street goes for $20. So $1B is figured out as if these growers are divvying up their product into grams – which would only take thirty years to sell. The final street value was estimated at $1.26 billion.

Reading further into the story, I discovered that the 82 arrested growing these crops are illegal Mexicans with ties to drug cartels. Suddenly I found myself on the side of the authorities. Especially since these Mexicans were wielding automatic weapons. Then the comment came from drug czar Gil Kerlikowske, whose own son is in a Florida jail stemming from marijuana related charges. Czar Kerlikowske states that “legalization is not in the Presidents vocabulary, and it’s not in mine.” Then the really uninformed statement came, “Marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit.”

Gil, ol’ Gilly boy, come on now. You’re a czar not a doctor. It’s truly amazing to me that our government’s word is louder than those who are actually in the medical profession. I challenge you to find me a doctor who will go on record saying that pot has no medicinal benefit. Being a Schedule I substance says just that:
1. The drug or other substance has a high potential for abuse.
2. The drug or other substance has no currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States.
3. There is a lack of accepted safety for use of the drug or other substance under medical supervision.

This is the same classification as heroin. Fucking heroin!

I could ramble on for hours about the lobbying from big drug companies, cigarette manufacturers, and even breweries like Anheuser-Busch. Who pay out the largest bribes – excuse me, campaign contributions - to our wonderful government leaders. These industries would all take a decent hit if pot was to be legalized. So lets keep allowing our government to tell our country’s brightest doctors and scientists what has, and what doesn’t have medicinal purposes. Drug company bribes go a lot further than scientific proof, and they always will.

My first successful faggy blog. And nobody tried to rape my asshole. Phew!
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Ellipses said...

That was fucking wonderful!

Ellipses said...

I went to go mow the lawn and this thought jumped into my head... regarding the 1.26 billion... I think the black market has SEVERELY inflated the price of pot... I mean, really... Bananas are like 30 cents a pound and they come from butt-fuck egypt on cargo ship. I can grow pot in my yard.

It reminds me of the time I bought a case of "Cup a Noodles" at Sam's Club... it worked out to 11 cents per unit (serving)... and somebody (Sam's Club and Marchan) made money on that deal...

I can't grow cup a noodles in my yard.

GSHS said...

Thanks man. You'd be lucky to get half of that on the street. Like I said, it'd take 30 years to sell that much pot in grams. Unless, of course, the government legalized and sold it. $500 million is still a lot of sticky icky.

And it truly is amazing that both Sam's and Marchan can make money selling noodles at .11 per serving.

I know you like lil weezy. I had my itunes on shuffle and "la la" came on. "i'm high like gas prices". I love that line!

Cylinsier said...

Great first blog! I was thinking of making this the topic of my next post so I'm glad someone did!