Much ado about... well, you know.

By Ellipses

I imagine more and more people will start to receive this email as the law of exponential viral dissemination takes over. So, why don't we take a reasonable approach to these items (assuming there is any validity to it). The asterisked items are from the email. My response is intralinear. Thanks to SSSS for posting this on the OR forum.

• Page 22: Mandates audits of all employers that self-insure!

If you are going to mandate something, you should audit outliers to ensure compliance.

• Page 29: Admission: your health care will be rationed!

It already is. All finite goods and services are rationed by either price or availability.

• Page 30: A government committee will decide what treatments and benefits you get (and, unlike an insurer, there will be no appeals process)

Great! So we can have a central body that evaluates the efficacy of procedures so that the MOST effective procedures get universal application? Holy fuck, what a novel idea: find what works and then make everyone do it!

• Page 42: The "Health Choices Commissioner" will decide health benefits for you. You will have no choice. None.

Somebody places a very high premium on choice. Just fix me when I'm broken. I don't recall ever having a say in what my insurance companies covered. I guess I could have changed insurance companies, for the lowly sum of what? 1,200 bucks a month?

• Page 50: All non-US citizens, illegal or not, will be provided with free healthcare services.

Good! They are people, too. They get treated at our hospitals under today's system, also... See yesterday's blog about how much we hate Mexicans.

• Page 58: Every person will be issued a National ID Healthcard.

Oh fuck no! I guess I have to put that in my wallet between my driver's license and social security card... Honestly, this is bad? I'll show you bad... take your pants off.

• Page 59: The federal government will have direct, real-time access to all individual bank accounts for electronic funds transfer.

There goes the problem of people "stealing" services. I guess this ensures that co-pays get paid.

• Page 65: Taxpayers will subsidize all union retirees and community organizer health plans (read: SEIU, UAW and ACORN)

I'm starting to think that the right doesn't ACTUALLY know what a community organizer is... Anyway, if the whole thing is tax-payer subsidized, then of course it would subsidize unions and community organizers... it would also subsidize priests, carpenters, porn stars, fast food workers, soybean farmers, and beekeepers.

• Page 72: All private healthcare plans must conform to government rules to participate in a Healthcare Exchange.

And? They have to conform to government rules now, don't they?

• Page 84: All private healthcare plans must participate in the Healthcare Exchange (i.e., total government control of private plans)

And? Isn't this one of the ways of expanding coverage? Am I missing the part where you have to piss on a cross and eat an aborted puppy?

• Page 91: Government mandates linguistic infrastructure for services; translation: illegal aliens

God forbid the patients would be able to communicate with the doctors! The alternative is what? Just randomly shooting up wetbacks with whatever drugs are left in the bottom of the bottle?

• Page 95: The Government will pay ACORN and Americorps to sign up individuals for Government-run Health Care plan.

If people need signed up, it probably would be a good idea to use organizations that are... oh, I dunno, good at signing people up for stuff? Who would you rather do the signing up?

• Page 102: Those eligible for Medicaid will be automatically enrolled: you have no choice in the matter.

Good, one less thing for old people to worry about. Or, better yet, one less goddamn form for me to fill out for my grandma.

• Page 124: No company can sue the government for price-fixing. No "judicial review" is permitted against the government monopoly. Put simply, private insurers will be crushed.

Yes, of course... just like the way the post office has anal fucked UPS and Fedex into oblivion.

• Page 127: The AMA sold doctors out: the government will set wages.

Surely that isn't the verbiage used in the bill. Last I heard, government wages were pretty decent. You're welcome.

• Page 145: An employer MUST auto-enroll employees into the government-run public plan. No alternatives.

OK? What part of "Uni-fucking-versal" did you miss?

• Page 126: Employers MUST pay healthcare bills for part-time employees AND their families.

Oh god forbid! I bet some of them are black, too! Anyway, again... universal? Say it slow.

• Page 149: Any employer with a payroll of $400K or more, who does not offer the public option, pays an 8% tax on payroll

Only 8%? That dog needs more bite.

• Page 150: Any employer with a payroll of $250K-400K or more, who does not offer the public option, pays a 2 to 6% tax on payroll

Smaller dog, smaller bite.

• Page 167: Any individual who doesn’t' have acceptable healthcare (according to the government) will be taxed 2.5% of income.

I wonder if the healthcare options for that individual would be less than 2.5%? If so, AWESOME! If not, this fine should be higher.

• Page 170: Any NON-RESIDENT alien is exempt from individual taxes (Americans will pay for them).

You mean like we do now?

• Page 195: Officers and employees of Government Healthcare Bureaucracy will have access to ALL American financial and personal records.

So, you just plug them into the same network as the IRS and Social Security Administration? There's a lot of innuendo in this list... there should be more explanation of why this stuff is bad.

• Page 203: "The tax imposed under this section shall not be treated as tax." Yes, it really says that.

Treat it as a box of fucking girl scout cookies for all I care.

• Page 239: Bill will reduce physician services for Medicaid. Seniors and the poor most affected."

How will it reduce services? Oh, and No Fucking Duh it would affect seniors and poor people... THAT'S WHO FUCKING USES MEDICAID!

• Page 241: Doctors: no matter what specialty you have, you'll all be paid the same (thanks, AMA!)

Yeah, of course... because fucking postal workers get paid the same as senators. This sounds like bullshit, sorry.

• Page 253: Government sets value of doctors' time, their professional judgment, etc.

As opposed to an insurance company?

• Page 265: Government mandates and controls productivity for private healthcare industries.

Ok??? So the entity who funds and runs the system also controls it's productivity?

• Page 268: Government regulates rental and purchase of power-driven wheelchairs.

And this is bad because???

• Page 272: Cancer patients: welcome to the wonderful world of rationing!

Don't worry, it's the same as the world you already live in.

• Page 280: Hospitals will be penalized for what the government deems preventable re-admissions.

So I can't go to the hospital when I'm bored and want to talk to that nice old nurse who takes my blood pressure?

• Page 298: Doctors: if you treat a patient during an initial admission that results in a readmission, you will be penalized by the government.

I'm sure there's more to it than that... maybe like, "if you fuck up and don't fix the guy and he has to come back, then you are penalized for not being an awesome doctor?"


• Page 317: Doctors: you are now prohibited for owning and investing in healthcare companies!

It makes my asshole bleed knowing that they are permitted to do this now!

• Page 318: Prohibition on hospital expansion. Hospitals cannot expand without government approval.

Hear that, Washington Hospital?

• Page 321: Hospital expansion hinges on "community" input: in other words, yet another payoff for ACORN.

Yes, of course... because anything with the word "community" in it must refer to acorn. Just like anything with the word "child" in it refers to kiddy-porn snuff films. Retard.

• Page 335: Government mandates establishment of outcome-based measures: i.e., rationing.

"Outcome-based measures" sounds a lot like "shit that works."

• Page 341: Government has authority to disqualify Medicare Advantage Plans, HMOs, etc.

I don't even know what this means.

• Page 354: Government will restrict enrollment of SPECIAL NEEDS individuals.

So we are going to cover everyone except for retarded people? That sounds like bullshit. I bet this is false.

• Page 379: More bureaucracy: Telehealth Advisory Committee (healthcare by phone).

I hope they hire the same call center that the insurance companies ALREADY FUCKING USE.

• Page 425: More bureaucracy: Advance Care Planning Consult: Senior Citizens, assisted suicide, euthanasia?

Anal rape? Dog sodomy? I can ask dumbass questions, too!

• Page 425: Government will instruct and consult regarding living wills, durable powers of attorney, etc. Mandatory. Appears to lock in estate taxes ahead of time.

Or, it appears to be a service that far too few of our elderly currently use.

• Page 425: Government provides approved list of end-of-life resources, guiding you in death.

Finally! One step closer to a civilized and dignified death.

• Page 427: Government mandates program that orders end-of-life treatment; government dictates how your life ends.

Awe man, you mean it has to be humane? I can't jump off a skyscraper and splat onto 5th avenue? Fucking Nazis!

• Page 429: Advance Care Planning Consult will be used to dictate treatment as patient's health deteriorates. This can include an ORDER for end-of-life plans. An ORDER from the GOVERNMENT .

an ORDER from the GOVERNMENT for DYING people to receive HOSPICE sounds like NOT A bad IDEA to ME. Fucking caps lock.

• Page 430: Government will decide what level of treatments you may have at end-of-life.

So I can't get a cock enlargement when I'm on life support? Damnit.


• Page 469: Community-based Home Medical Services: more payoffs for ACORN.

Just making shit up at this point, aren't we?

• Page 472: Payments to Community-based organizations: more payoffs for ACORN.

God forbid we pay people for their services! Again, just because the word "community" is in there, doesn't mean it's ACORN. Is Glen-Meadows retirement COMMUNITY run by ACORN?

• Page 489: Government will cover marriage and family therapy. Government intervenes in your marriage.

Sounds more like mental health care is covered... If a medicaid patient get's a colonoscopy, now, does that count as the government intervening in your asshole?

• Page 494: Government will cover mental health services: defining, creating and rationing those services.

You were just pissed about mental health services being covered, now you want them to be undefined? Fucking evil bastard!


Oh, and you are welcome. Sphere: Related Content