Wednesday, October 7, 2009
So many precedents have been set by the opposition party in the past year... Here's a list of things that Republicans can never again do, if we hold them to the stuff they have been saying since Obama's election:
1. The only candidates that the GOP can run in 2012 are George HW Bush and Jimmy Carter. They are the only two people on earth who have experience comparable to Obama and are eligible to be president. In 2008, "experience" was the viagra of the GOP. In 2012, Obama will have more experience being president than anyone, sans Carter and Bush.
2. Females in the GOP must never again show their upper arms.
3. Republicans can never reduce the size of Medicare. That kills old people.
4. Republicans can never expand the size of Medicare. That's a steady march to socialism.
5. Republicans can never push for an amendment. Ever. Not flag burning, not homo-hating, not anti-abortion. The founders, inspired by Jesus Christ, got it spot-on perfect the first time.
6. Republicans can never reduce troop numbers in a warzone. That equals surrender.
7. Republicans can never appoint anyone to a position that may be referred to as a "czar." George Bush's 46 czarist appointees are the last appointed by a Republican president.
8. Republicans must never again admit to being wrong. Not that they were all that good at it before, but just in case they had been practicing, they must never do it in the future.
9. Republican presidents may never lobby for the olympics to be held in America. There is always something more productive that the president can be doing during those 18 hours.
10. Republican presidents must never campaign in Chicago, mention Chicago, go to Chicago, or otherwise acknowledge that Chicago exists. If they must acknowledge Chicago, it must be referred to as "that murderous shit hole of a town, Chicago."
11. You are not allowed to be a Republican if you went to a college that everyone has heard of. Harvard? Elitist. Yale? Liberal bastion. East Texas Institute of Animal Husbandry? Ok, that will work.
12. Republicans may never again speak to children. Not even their own.
Feel free to add more of your own. Sphere: Related Content