Friday, September 25, 2009

What is White Culture?

By Ellipses

Glenn had a hell of time defining "White Culture." Let me help:

The Twenty Pillars of "White Culture"

1. Sex with non-spousal relatives
2. Mayonnaise sandwiches
3. Flannel
5. Cars on blocks
6. Rebel Flags
7. Beer that tastes the same coming out as it did going in
8. Jesus
9. Distrust of Ay-rabs, Mexicans, Chinamen, Blacks, and assorted other furriners
10. Your balls smell like sheep pussy
11. "Ham" is a flavor of spread
12. Don't own nothin' faggy
13. Hoopin' an' hollerin'
14. Eagle Tattoos
15. Baby Jesus (This is different than number 8)
16. Velcro shoes
17. Camouflage
18. Soldier of Fortune Magazine
19. Aerosol cheese
20. Lee Greenwood

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Cylinsier said...

What the fuck is he talking about?

Brant said...

That d-bag must live in complete terror that one day even the dumb people who listen to him will realize that he's an empty-headed jagoff.

Ellipses said...

The problem is... does it matter at this point? Everyone wakes up tomorrow and says "You know, that Beck feller is an empty-headed jagoff."

Ok, so the Beck family packs up moves into their 10 million dollar OBX beach house and live out their days eating crab cakes and tying yarn to thumbtacks in the bonus room...

Once you achieve a certain level of success... speaking from my own personal perspective here... but, really... who cares?

It's like that MacKenzie Phillips... even if she wasn't screwing her dad and it's all a lie to sell books... My first thought was, damn, who wants to be known for being a strung out addict who screwed her dad? But then I thought... How many people in Tuscany know or care who the Mamma's and the Pappa's are? Because that's where I'd be living if I banked a big piece of royalty ching... You can call me Bob the Goat-fucker for the rest of my life... Maybe I will hear you between fishing trips

scott said...

Just read Part two of the three part report on Beck that Salon's publishing. From that it seems like be's just a rabidly ambitious 'morning zoo' radio show host who'll say and do just about anything to have his ego stroked while earning huge paychecks.

Ellipses said...

Shock and horror! You mean he ISN'T the bright and shining eastern star of a grass roots libertarian return to old fashionedness?

JohnFromChicago said...

This is total racism. I'm offended. That's bullshit. It's not "white culture", it's a redneck stereotype. would it even be possible to publish and article on "black culture" that lists pimpin', ho's and watermelon? The author is obviously a hateful racist who does not understand the difference between cartoons and reality. Moreover, this whole argument is stupid on a myriad of levels.

First, there is no "white culture". Caucasians are people of European descent. That includes Irish, Scottish, English, French, Spanish, German, Scandinavian, Polish/Prussian, Serbian, Italian ... and many more. They are all uniquely culturally different ... as different as Ethiopians are from Zimbabweans.

What about the European culture you forgot to mention? Bach, Mozart, Shakespeare, Michelangelo, DaVinci ... or scientists like Tesla or Curry? Philosophers like Jefferson, Socrates ... this is just totally stupid.

I'm not defending Glenn Beck. The guy is an asshole. As a libertarian/Ron Paul republican, he damn sure doesn't speak for me. But this "article" is pure race baiting at it's worst. It depends on the double standard that "black culture" can have a dedicated week on the History Channel, but anyone who even mentions "white culture" is a racist.

My personal hope is that we can all acknowledge human rights as opposed to black rights or gay rights. And in so doing, acknowledge the unique cultural differences between us and be free to share them in mutual respect.

Cylinsier said...

Guess the joke went over his head.

Ellipses said...

Nice rant, John.

So, Shakespeare and Mozart are "white culture?"

I don't know... I think a bunch of Beck's audience would say that Shakespeare and Mozart are dirty foreign socialist elitist queer bullshit.

But it is super neato how I have been called a racist who hates white people twice in the past 6 months :-) :-) :-)


Ellipses said...

I missed the part where John said he was offended... I hope your tears don't stain that cute little pink skirt of yours...

Erica M. said...

"...would it even be possible to publish and article on "black culture" that lists pimpin', ho's and watermelon?"

Not only is it possible, it is probable that such a list exists both as a joke (as was this list) and not-a-joke. Chicago must be just southeast of Mayberry.

Ellipses said...

Wait... I call bullshit on John From Chicago...

"Welcome To The Ass Kickin Hot Blog
Welcome to the blog companion to Ass Kickin Hot.

This is just a test post, so please don't call me bitching because the post is short and silly.

Oh, BTW, I am also the webmaster and content producer for, the official homepage of porn star Starla Knight! "

Yeah, right...

Gertrude said...

I think you forgot White Bread and Plastic (American) Cheese.

And John from Chicago should look up the difference between culture and RACE.

Lori said...

I resemble most of those remarks- 1,2,3,4,8,11,14(hubby),15,19(on Oreos with whipped cream otherise known as Stoner Cookies)
I must be white. I hate watermelon.

MJ said...

"The whim of a madman!"

Ellipses said...

MJ has developed a very awesome tradition... Thank you, sir.

Ondinita said...

I love how Katie doesn't let Beck off the hook! You can tell he's used to talking his way out of answering questions by changing the subject, but Katie did not let it go! So funny watching Beck squirm! hehehe

By the way, John there are lists like this one for black people, Hispanics and pretty much every race and ethnic group...What do you think all those "You know you're ______ if" lists are?

Ondinita said...

Maybe I should explain...What John from Chicago was trying to say is:
"Ellipses has over and over again exposed himself as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture. I don't know what it is...Ellipses has some white friends so I'm not saying he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist."

Sound familiar?

Look at you, E!! Getting the presidential treatment!!

Brant said...

I have a few more to add to your list:

1 - Wearing black knee socks with those Velcro shoes.

2 - Doing the "white-man shuffle" to bad '80s music at wedding receptions.

3 - Worshipping black football players if they star for the Stillers, then calling them the N-word if they fumble away a key game.

JohnFromChicago said...

Sorry but I can't help but to reply.

First off, I'm glad I got your attention. If my comment didn't sting, you wouldn't have jumped all over it.

Ellipses - I wouldn't suppose to know what "a bunch of Glenn Beck's audience" would say about Bach. I know that while a majority of his audience may be white, a majority of white people are not his audience.

I don't know how else to reference white culture other than by the ethnic descent of major contributors. I could reference the suburbs and SUV's, but I know well enough that the burbs are diverse enough, and white America is diverse enough, that I would only be playing up a false stereotype.

I don't know what you're calling bullshit on ... especially concerning any adult industry work I have done. Adult entertainment is legal, and by the numbers, enjoyed by the vast majority of the American people. While I really don't give a damn about what you or anyone else thinks, I will try not to shed too many tears on my model/clients' little pink skirts.

By the way, when someone calls you out for saying something stupid, and your response is to attack the messenger, you only confirm your own intellectual bankruptcy.

If this was satire, I'm sorry I missed the joke. Gauging the vitriol, it's difficult to see how this was only a joke.

Ondinita - I know such lists exist, but they are not high ranking stories on Digg or Reddit, and are blasted as racist when they surface.

Sorry for being long winded but I had to reply. My original comment was pasted from Reddit when I chose to address the blogger directly.

Ellipses said...

The point, spederick, is that there is NO defined set of things that are "white culture."

Racists would view white culture as all the good things about society... having a good job, a nice house, a good family... that quaint picture of the suburbs that you alluded to... but that "culture" isn't, by any definition, "white."... Unless you start making the burbs all white.

And the vast majority of Beck's audience are borderline retarded white trash.

Cylinsier said...

Lol. "Vitriol." Somebody is way too sensitive. Can you be racist against white people if you are also white?

Ondinita said...

John...Here's a video of Glenn Beck's fans for you:

And yes, those are Beck's fans since he was the one helping organize/promote the march...They sound like retarded trained parrots, repeating all the stupid thing that Beck says on his show....

If you didn't realize this was satire, John, you must think "Talladega Nights" was meant to be a drama or a documentary...

I've never heard anyone blast those lists...I'm Hispanic and when those lists come out, especially about Hispanics, we
think they're hilarious & email them to our friends!!! It's
called having a sense of humor!!!

scott said...

Vitriol? Johnny has obviously not read any other posts here at EP central, or he'd recognize the local brand of humor. It's so ludicrous when someone from the historically dominant culture in the US are offended by what they consider to be racism against them.

Ellipses said...

Cry me a river... I'm a poor, oppressed white man of anglo heritage!

Ondinita said...

Louis CK on "Being White":

blackballed said...

E is not a racist,he does tend to attack when one does not agree with him,but we all for beck. he is a fucking asshole but,is no different than the fucks on the other side.this country is being divided by the fucking media.why dont we just draw a line down the middle of the united states and split it up.this country is heading for big trouble.I always thought their could have been a race war if obama lost.and im not sure their will not be one if all this race bullshit does not end..obama was elected by the whites get over it black have came along way and your there. we have a black president.i just seen the prez giving a speech at the congressional black caucus,what the fuck is this? can a white congressman join?why is there not a white caucus.on the subject of this prez why in hell is he catering to the fucking dictators of the world and leaving the troops on the backburner.he was going to straighten up washington,end the fighting bullshit,and bring more transparency.well where the fuck is it?everything these assholes do has to be done right now.cant wait.just like this healthcare deform.people are happy with their care.leave it the fuck alone.BB

Ellipses said...

Hey! Blackballed! Welcome to the fucking party mother fucker :-)

Cylinsier said...

Was that comment supposed to be a response to this blog post? Seemed a little unrelated. To answer one question: no, we can't have a white caucus because that would be retarded. White people are not a minority.

Ondinita said...

BB...I could point out so many things that are wrong with your comment...Cy already answered one of your stupid questions. Maybe when I have more time, I'll go into the others...But the one statement that you made that is flat out wrong is "people are happy with their healthcare". What people are happy with their healthcare? MOST people, even the ones that don't agree with the bills that are being discussed right now, agree that our healthcare system is completely messed up and needs to be fixed!!!! The only debatable point is how messed up the system is and how far do we need to go to fix...But people are definitely NOT happy with the healthcare system...