Friday, August 7, 2009
It's official. I christen the anti-health care crowd "Gaggers" for the following reasons:
They are purposefully putting a "gag" into the mouth of their opponents, who happen to be those of us (read: majority) who are 100% in favor of reforming our current health care system in a way that... yes... injects a substantial amount of socialism into the entire construct. Their marching order are to sit up front at town hall meetings and shout down any pro-reform comments while trying to appear to be an "Everyman;" someone who could easily be anyone's neighbor, if everyone happened to live next door to this guy.
Furthermore, every time I see footage of these sign-bearing cousin-fuckers on the news, I re-experience whatever it was that I ate within the past 18 hours in the form of a barely truncated gag reflex that produces a pungent, bile-flavored oily residue in the back of my throat. I am not entirely sure if it's due to the blatant misinformation that is confidently espoused as fact that kicks in an innate desire to shed ignorance like a snake molts it's dry, ill-fitting, bacteria-infested skin, or if it's just the thought of how those gaping maws full of polydent and rancid haluski must smell after yelling at a congressman for an hour or so. Hell, my breath smells like horse taint after calmly delivering a Powerpoint presentation on production trends. That shit has to smell like a bagful of abortions left out in the sun.
I also find myself wondering if their eyes tear up and streak their mascara when the right wing radio retards cram bullshit down their throats for hours at a time like a drawn-out filming session on the set of Cock-Gobblers Revenge. I mean really, does Sean Hannity make you keep your bifocals on while you chicken head his prick for three hours a day? Does he say "Oh yeah, grampa, do it like a 'Great Amurkin'?"
That last part is really the main thrust behind the nomenclature. Seeing as how they just didn't "get" the whole "teabagging" thing, I figured I could slip in a term with a more blatant and expressive homo-erotic connotation... that they still won't get. I mean, afterall, they have described themselves as teabaggers and screamers, all the while forming groups, of their own volition, like 2m4m.
I love it, really. Issue after issue sends the right deeper into the rabbit hole of homosexual innuendo. I can't wait to see what they come up with to fight gay marriage once this whole insurance thing blows over. I mean, where do you go from here? Do the flannel farmers just start fucking each other on the court house steps? I would hope they'd be more clever than that, but I have my doubts.
Anyway, I got off track there. The underlying theme of this whole idea is that there are a lot of stupid people out there. And stupidity is like alcoholism; you have to admit the problem before you can fix the problem. And that's why I end this post with a link to Bill Maher's latest blog post in which he cleverly and astutely says "yes I fucking said it." We are becoming a nation of idiots. You can blame the schools or pollution or fast food or TV or the internet or whatever. Whatever it is, it needs fixed. No snarky comment, no pun or double entendre... just don't be stupid. Think about things objectively for a moment before you shit your pants and scream. Think not just about whether or not the data is accurate, but whether or not it makes any sense the way it's presented.
Click here for Bill Maher's blog. Sphere: Related Content